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The text to correct from user ashleexx

The protagonis­t, headed to the gym for his training, parks the car in a dangerous area. Finished the training, while going back to his car he comes across a foreigner who, with great dexterity and a furtive contact, steals his wallet. Realizing the theft, the protagonis­t chases the thief and manages to recover his wallet, pursued by the thief and his dangerous friends.
Language: English   Language Skills: Native speaker, Proficiency, Advanced


Corrected by joshx2

The protagonis­t parked his car in a dangerous area before heading to the gym to train. On his way back after finishing his training session he came across a foreigner who, with great dexterity and stealth, stole his wallet. Realizing that his wallet had been stolen, the protagonis­t chased the thief and managed to recover his wallet from the thief.
joshx2:  You're switching between present and past tense a lot which makes this text harder to follow. The tense of a text will be set with the first verb typically, so once you establish the tense, stick to it.

The use of furtive in this text isn't used very well. I rarely hear this word, so using something like stealth or slyness might be better. Also, this sentence: "with great dexterity and stealth, stole his wallet" doesn't make much sense. The reason why is because the next sentence says that he realized he was stolen from. If that's the case then the foreigner who stole from him didn't actually do it "with great dexterity and stealth" if that makes sense.

Also, the last few words don't make any sense - "pursued by the thief and his dangerous friends" because you mention how he recovered his wallet, but now all of a sudden he's been perused by the thief and his dangerous friends. This is the first time we're seeing his friends as well which is confusing.

joshx2:  You can leave off "from the thief." at the end in the last sentence. I didn't mean to write that in there. Thief is already mentioned so it's redundant for that last part to be in there.


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